


I Solemnly Swear I Am Upto No Good

by isurvivednycnotspace



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Chaotic Harry Potter, Female Harry Potter, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Master of Death Harry Potter, Multi, Promiscuous Harry Potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:41:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27761671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isurvivednycnotspace/pseuds/isurvivednycnotspace
Summary: He was in the middle of telling them about this newest mission when he was interrupted by a condescending, “Hey Nick.”She looked at Fury who wanted to be anywhere but here. He said, “Director Potter.” With some semblance of respect and a lot of rage.The only thing clashing with the rest of her ensemble was the manic grin she had on her face that looked like she was anticipating some chaos and destruction.She opened her mouth but stopped midway before looking around at all of them with calm and analyzing gaze. She seemed to decide something and then looked back at Fury with a gleam in her eye that looked like it boded ill for someone. Probably Fury.
Relationships: Carol Danvers/Harry Potter, Harry Potter/Tony Stark, Loki (Marvel)/Harry Potter
Comments: 20
Kudos: 883





	I Solemnly Swear I Am Upto No Good

**Author's Note:**

> Let's just assume that the events of Harry Potter happens centuries ago. Many, many centuries ago.

Nick Fury, the Director of Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division was sitting in a conference room with seven other people. Five of them were carefully selected after months of going through their profiles and the two others were his very trusted agents. 

He was in the middle of telling them about this newest mission when he was interrupted by a condescending, “ _Hey Nick_.”

Nick Fury paused and frowned and then sighed as if he was expecting this to happen but not so soon. He turned around to address the speaker when Thor let out a shriek. He was sputtering, “You’re the… her… how…?”

The speaker looked amused and she looked at Fury who wanted to be anywhere but here. He said, “Director Potter,” with some semblance of respect and a lot of rage.

The newly christened ‘Director Potter’ looked amused and then said, “ _Mr_. Fury,” with a lot of emphasis on ‘Mr.’

Fury looked as if he had swallowed something sour and started to speak when she interrupted him with, “Mr. Fury do you remember what I told you the last time you tried to play with powers above your station and nearly died?”

“Yes, Director, but it has been 20 years since that conversation and I was hoping you would have forgotten about that by now.” Which sounded absolutely nonsensical to Tony because she looked like she was 20.

She was wearing black skin-fit jeans with black combat boots and had a yellow t-shirt on which said, ‘Mischief Managed’. Her jet black hair looked like they were an abyss, her emerald eyes seemed to twinkle and her aristocratic facial features made her look like a warrior princess from a distant land. The only thing clashing with the rest of her ensemble was the manic grin she had on her face that looked like she was anticipating some chaos and destruction.

She opened her mouth but stopped midway before looking around at all of them with a calm and analyzing gaze. She seemed to decide something and then looked back at Fury with a gleam in her eye that looked like it boded ill for someone. Probably Fury.

“Mr. Fury, it seems like you were unable to keep control over the Tesseract, the Sceptre and your prisoner, who shouldn’t be one considering he is a God, a Prince of Asgard and under mind-control. You-”

Tony interrupted her with an exclamation of, “What do you mean mind-control?!”

With an eyebrow raised, she answered, “Exactly what it sounds like. Also, Fury, you seem to have forgotten that this falls under the jurisdiction of my division. Not yours. But I am willing to let that go if you let me take both of the stones off of you. Also, just to specify, I am not negotiating. I am ordering you to do this.”

With that the lady, who seemed to be on a position higher than the Spy of all Spies, snapped her fingers on her right hand and got a glowing blue cube in it. She then snapped with her left hand and got the Sceptre in it.

With that she said, “Now that I have gotten these off of your mortal hands, I am going to take your prisoner too. Loki has been with you for too long and he deserves better.”

She transferred the Tesseract to her left hand and seemed to hold 2 of the most important objects in the universe without any care. Another snap had Loki in the room along with them. He was bound in chains with a muzzle on his face. Unable to remove his bounds with one hand, she sighed and reached into her pocket to withdraw a – phone?

She took it out and said, “Get Greengrass to my coordinates now.”

Everyone tensed and Natasha’s hand immediately went to her gun. There was a pause for a few seconds when there was a loud _crack_.

There was a guy beside Potter who looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but here. Potter handed him the Tesseract and the Sceptre and said, “Please put them there, without examining them. You can scan them when I come back. I will see you in an hour, darling.”

The man replied, “There, there or _there_ , there?”

She replied, “ _There_ , there.”

With this confirmation, the man went away with another _crack_.

The lady, who was getting more and more fascinating, turned and opened Loki’s chains easily. Loki, who was until recently the villain, turned and got ready for a fight when she pulled him into a hug. She carded her fingers through his hair and said in the gentlest voice possible, “You’re safe now, Bambi. I will take you home and get rid of Thanos and his taint and then you can calm down, darling. Odin won’t be able to take you away. I promise.”

Loki who was trying to struggle out of her hold calmed down and interestingly, his eyes changed from blue to green and even greener. He looked at her and said quietly, “Harry…” She shushed him and turned around.

Everyone had their weapons turned on them. They were either together or worked together and it wasn’t safe for the rest of them. The girl scoffed and told them, “I am immortal and he is a God, honestly, none of your puny weapons could even give me a scratch.”

Tony decided that it was the right time to interject, “Are you two… together?”

The Goddess, because there was no other way to describe her, said, “No! We slept together a few times, six centuries ago, since then we are friends.”

“I am pretty sure I am the best you ever got,” Loki decided to boast.

“You were like the sixth best guy.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Exactly what I said. Sixth best guy.”

“I am a shapeshifter. What about as a girl?”

“Fourth. Also, you’re not the only shapeshifter I know. I know of a lot others and compared to them, you are not that good.”

“We went to London and disappeared for three weeks and you’re telling me I am only the fourth best as a woman. I don’t believe you. Who were the others?”

“Do you know of a Kree soldier, who was originally from here and then got blast from the Tesseract.”

“…”

“Her hands glow. She blew up Ronan’s entire fleet in 15 seconds.”

“OH. Her! Yes, I know her. She was very well known in Alfheim.”

“Her name is Carol but I call her Vers to annoy her-”

Before she could complete, Fury interrupted her saying, “You know Carol Danvers?”

“Yeah I do. I fought her on the Moon before we decided to just sleep together to deal with the sexual tension. Best I have ever got. She later told me that she was from Earth and she was protecting the Skrulls. I told her about a new planet that they could reside on. Then I helped transfer them there. This was like 15 years ago. What a woman. 10/10 would do that again.”

There was a silence for a moment before Tony started laughing at the look on Steve Rogers’ face. Loki would also have been amused if he was not angry at the insinuation that there was someone better at sex than him. He turned to her to complain when there was a sudden whirring noise from her pocket.

Potter took out her phone(?) and answered with a, “Director Potter from United Nations Unspeakables.”

_“Weasley here. You have 15 minutes before your meeting with the British Prime Minister. Message ends here.”_

“So, I guess I have to go now. I am taking Loki here with me. Mr. Fury, if I ever hear that you got into something like this again and didn’t call me immediately, I will tear SHIELD to shreds. I am not simply joking. I will remove you from this prestigious position you have, if I hear a single thing about you that I didn’t like. If you get ahold of any of the other infinity stones, tell me. I was told you have a way of contacting me. Remember the consequences of non-compliance.”

As if addressing the room, she said, “This has been Potter. If you guys need to contact me, don’t. Except you, Mr. Stark. Here is my contact card. Don’t worry, no one will be able to read it beside you.”

Tony, dumbstruck, takes it and says, “Why me?”

Potter gives him a onceover, bites her lips, gives him a bone-melting smile and disappears with Loki.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you guys for reading this. This is my first story online. If you find any mistakes, don't hesitate to tell me.  
> Hope you have a great day. <3


End file.
